Some food for thought until I get things set up and start posting more normal/regular/and everyday kind of posts

Note: please excuse the mess, this is a bit of a WIP, empassioned rant; by which I don't possess neither the time nor energy currently. This is some food-for-thought that attempts to hit at the heart of the paradox, ignorance, status-quo and general ironic-hypocracy of many doctors. While exposing the general heartless ineptitude that forces them to work brainlessly, algorithmically and using flow-charts in this one-size-fits-all approach to medicine. Which stands next to, in stark contrast, the real good ones out there... heart and soul people - really successful, compassionate free-thinkers, full of heart, capable of nuance and self-derived discernment, judgment thought and figuring out how to help you and in the event they can't... they will be honest about that too. You are welcome to read-on, but please realize portion of it may read like a rant until someday later, where I feel less sick. Remember, we all are deserving of love, kindness, shelter, food, compassion, respect, success but most importantly happiness and well-being.

"Your theories are derided, you nitwitted, sub-sanguineous fool! Be gone!"

[author note: this is some fictious satirical humor, that just came onto me rather quickly out of exhaustion, frustration and worry that my health issues are much worse than even my current providers understand. Regardless, I just picture for the so many doctors out there that don't give a F@c! would tell me... but even more ironically, it's accusing me of the very way in which I'm being treated. Enjoy~!

Part 1: The Hardcore Reality of the mainstream, mass-manufactured in America form of doctor that is bearly able to do their job right. Inaction != DO NO HARM... inaction can lead to harm... idiots!

    There is absolutely no winning with doctors: you're damned if you do, or damned if you don't:
  • Option #1 you are honnest and express a genuine medical concern; one for which medically and contextually legitimate. Of course, they end up ignoring your serious problem and as a result, you die. "Ahahahaa~! That will really show them a thing, or two. Thewy won't be able to forgive themselves for their mistake and what happened to me. Wait... oh shit, I'm dead... so ultimately I lose -- lose; everything; literally!
  • Option #2 you are genuine and honest with sharing very vulnerable, deeply personal and very much real symptoms and body reactions for which you are seeking help; all the while being honest in keeping balance between the experienced severity and the severity lived (re-lived) by talking about it. When you follow that advice, path of least resistance that states nothing is wrong, ignores or dimisses your "complaining" long enough that no matter how unpleasant and real your problems were, ultimately in the end they were right and you were wrong. Hell, you see you were making up how bad it was and since you're better - you must have been lying~!

Part 2: Somehow the star witness, the only witness that's able to make the connections... is well an idiot, or at the very least cannot be trusted! He/she must have some alterious motive~!

Touché they say. I say, bullshit... ahem. The point I'm getting at, pointing directly at the core of the issue is that EITHER way, the patient is always wrong [in the worn-out doctor's eye] and doesn't even possess the concern, let alone the curiosity. Moreover, their egos, pay, and reptuation must be safe-guarded and maintaining this "power imbalance/dominance" is where the provider is up here and the patient is down there. This can lead to catastrophic consequences, especially for matter of the body, for which society views health problems more generally an embarrassing stigma (some portions of the body, moreso than others). Given this shame/humiliation/sense of unease, it collectively reachs into the depths of the human condition for man and for me, view ridid/stringent medical privacy laws like HIPPA to be essential to ensure people seek care, while avoiding some potential for embarassment. Nevertheless, some patients chose death, over getting an "embarassing part" of the body examined. Therefore this distrust, inaffectual engagement, ignorance and lack of compassion/understanding and dismissive approach all converge and culminate one major and seemingly impossible barrier:

Part 3: Time to lose the ego and the uniform. It's time to be human, hang up the ego, listen, and pull back together any few remaining strains of diginity.

As a patient dealing with an illness, chronic and real in every shape imaginable (while also possessing clearcut history of near-death health matters for which they survived, albeit with damage from chemotherapy); we try hard to explain it, frame it and narrate it. However, the deficiency is often "you're fine. It's not that bad. Ride this one out". Or better yet: "you are a hypochondriac, or that you are drug-seeking". One must remind themselves, plenty of doctors posess over-blown egos. Meaning, for example... they run all of these tests (or even a few tests, albeit fairly minimally investigated and on the out-skirts of their given specialty. What unfortuanately ends up happening is you won't often find a provider overtly open or humble enough to handle such pervasive issues (perhaps subjects near the very edge of their specialty, for which they are less certain - actively admit and say "I honestly don't know what's wrong with you, or what to do to fix it. But I'm sorry you're going through it". Most of the time, instead you will be objected to: "there is nothing wrong. You are over-reacting and neurotic. I think you are depressed. Yeah that must be it because nothing else is wrong". By treating depression, or behavior problem as the deficit, it provides the opportunity for the provider to never have to experience [rather let the patient know] the ego-crushing reality is they themselves don't know. They never know the being-human option is the superior option and their fear of failing in this regard is something they won't be judged for because it originates from a genuine honesty. So they unconsciously pre-emptively judge the patient out of ignorance or ego-self-perserverance, so they themselves cannot be victims of such harsh + critical judgments.

Part 4: The Reality: There are some good doctors, there are some bad doctors there are plenty of mediocre doctors, and there are very few amazing doctors. Be lucky for when you have them and respect them as much as they respect your bravery as a patient

The bottom-line is patients lose EITHER way, unless of course:
a) They actually listen and realize, although they see the same damn problems everyday, that frustration shouldn't somehow be your fault to the point they provide an inaffectual response to "helping you". There is a willingness to empathize and switch seats occasionally and prevent themselves from being intentionally ignorant and thus better doctors
b) or, you have hit the jackpot and find (or work with) a provider that sees work not as a career. Instead, it's something much greater: it's a passion, a calling, a way of life to always be willing to lend a hand to help others and transform their lives, witness your journey with them to navigate away from death and disease. They are authentic and honest with who they are in all contexts (work and private are indistinguisable) because they just know who they are and no behavior moedification, nor acting is necessary. They approach problems with an effortless confidence, but do so without complacency. And through this lending of everything: love, skill, time, attention, passion, compassion, free-thinking, empowerment, effortless flow, leadership, respect and morality that renders them not only true-professionals of the highest calendar, but moreover truly wonderful human beings. Those kinds of doctors so deeply, they will hear you out. They will ALWAYS figure a way to listen, understand while looking for ways to help by interacting with you. It's through this expression towards addressing all health concnerns as legitimate and that the patients ("ones who suffer") are experiencing; can and will help you. True angels

Part 5: Somewhere on the edge of manipulation, ignorance, swift and silent social judgement/justice, perception... oh hell! Does it matter? No. But our lives do. Your issues are valid and don't let them make you believe it otherwise! >:O

Finally, there is this phenomenon that doctors, just as much as society, see a person that claims to have chronic health issues and experiencing all sorts of really disabling problems. When basic, run of the mill tests with variable (but potentially low, specifity) are sold to the patient as you're fine... leave me alone: any further attempts, especially if symptoms are chronic will eventually (if not immediately questioned). This is often because both society and doctors forget, or just don't understand there are plenty of people out there that look healthy one day and die out of nowhere the next. So when a doctor sees a patient run through a rather long laundry list of problems are are consistent, he'll be like: "oh... you almost had me. You read up on all of that? Didn't you?!" Regardless, she might order a few simple tests to placate, but by simply only looking at the patient with their cloths on, not touching (or examining - sort of like a physical, which now adays has gotten weird... even doctors view it as uncomfortable. That's sad considiering they are professional physicians, but alas I digress) looking only with her cloths on and not much detailed, other than some basic tests there is this immediate determination this person is fine. This is only exacerbated by the potentially inadvertant juxtaposing of a patient dying in pain with similar symptoms and the other "rather normal and healthy" not appearing like that. Little does the provider know, but is surprised to find the normal patient dies quite unexpectantly a day, or possibly a week (or two) later. No... instead it's the proverbial catch-22, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. That's why it cannot be stressed enough: be your own advocate. You don't need to seek the validation of the provider out of worry of upsetting them. If something bad happens to you, say a chronic staph infection that has ravaged your body for at least the past year, possibly 7+ years all of a sudden grows angry and the current IV antibiotics aren't working like they *THINK* it should. Imagine if you were told it's the weekend, this is not serious you'll be fine and they shared an annoyed tone with you. Well if you blindingly trusted that, who knows, maybe the bacteria moved to the blood and before Monday rolls around sepsis turned into septic shock. You are now intubated and placed into a medically induced coma. For which corticosteroids are the cure to quell the immune reaction... but then this doesn't compensate quickly enough, or compensates too quickly so now all of a sudden your immune system is knocked out and ... well you get the point. Don't give up and take care of yourselves. Peace and love ;-) `Z [ps. I'm not into melo-drama, nor K-drama; hindsight is always 20:20, but this shit could turn serious at any point. I am taking tabs on it every hour or so.]

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