Well there goes several weeks!

I really haven't found myself in the correct mindset to blog about my recovery recently, mainly because I had been focused on the recovery from this last surgery and simultaneously reflecting on the fact I'm starting over.

There, I said it: I'm starting over. So in English this means... my previous fusion of my leg is considered "failed" due to the unchecked infection, but they won't own the mistake. Also, it is hard toeing the line for my new infectious disease provider to keep a "working relationship" with my old one. Why? Simple, professionalism and the fact she doesn't have practicing rights at that hospital, so she would use my old doctor to manage me when I am in the hospital. Sounds straight forward, right? Wrong.

To make matters worse, Walgreens seems to be in the middle of a crisis, unable to keep enough pharmacists on hand to remain open, so they are closed on the weekends... Guess when my refills are due? Over the weekend. Then there are the shortages in pain medication, them switching to a new brand (which seem to work not as well as the others), let alone that they performed a partial refill on them... so while insurance would have paid for it 100%, they are treating it as two different Rx and now have to work around a problem created by their shortage.

At any rate, to report: things in general are going better, when compared to my other surgeries. I can actually see my leg healing... at least there is evidence of that. My experience in the hospital on Feb 3rd was ok. My surgeon had all options available (including plastic surgeon on-hand) if they needed to do thee skin graft - which they didn't. I woke up and at first there was some confusion in the recovery room, but yes, finally no judgements - I am going upstairs with a PCA... thank God. I cannot tell you - the difference was night at day pain-wise compared to these past visits. As a result, I was only there from Thur to Saturday. It is a whole 'nother matter with insurance saying it isn't medically necessary and therefore not covered.

Anyways, in general terms... my Mom and I are not happy with the talk of another skin graft and taking the remaining calf muscle in left leg, due to them ignoring my symptoms of infection. At this point, no doubt, that is what ultimately the resolution might as well be (for necessity sake, what's happened, happened), but I can't handle my leg specialist trying to sell me on the fact that my infectious disease provider did nothing wrong (and by extension she did nothing wrong). They are treating the whole thing like a big cover-up. Maybe that's why my care this last visit was the way it was.

As far as starting over is concerned, from Feb 3rd onward, there will be 6 more weeks of IV antibiotics before two-week "cooldown" (off the antibiotics) and then challenge my system. At the two week (presuming I don't present to them sooner, with issue), they will aspirate and culture. Another week there... so that brings us to 9 weeks (at the soonest, best possible outcome) that I'll be looking at getting my final surgery. Mind you... Feb 3rd is something like already 10 weeks in... so all of a sudden this has turned into a 20-week to end surgery (26-28 weeks total thing, best case scenario). In the meantime, I don't know if I will have a job coming out of this, health insurance, or what the outcome with my leg is going to look like. I can state for a fact the first time I had my prosthesis put in, it took the better part of 4-5 years before my brain rewired itself to feel "normal". I expect if they are using the remaining lateral belly of my gastrocnemius (calf muscle) to perform the graft, it will hurt/feel strange for sometime after.

To wrap up this post, I'll summarize:

I'm happy that my leg is finally healing as it should have been at the start of this
I'm upset at my old infectious disease provider, and by extension and her association with this - my leg surgeon
I'm upset with my pharmacy and am seriously considering dropping ship with them because this is turning into a bit of a thing. I'm hoping availability of my previous immediate release med becomes available because it works better.
I hope my next surgery is my final surgery.

What's in the works?

I need to get out of my angsty depression with this. My Mom and I seem to feed off of one another. I need to start reaching for escape, side projects and vocation and TRY my best to take advantage of this time and enjoy it rather than brooding all of the time.
Possible Podcast in the future... researching out equipment (currently in the works)
My best bud has graduated with his bachelor's in programming and I'll be joining his project NuOptech.com
Some effort will be made in the future to bring a handful of websites back online. Right now, my biggest problem currently is being haunted by my circumstance - which makes it hard for me to focus on other things, whether it be worry about outcome, unmistaken unavoidable reality (if it wasn't already before with the chronic health issues; but affects walking) - I'm somewhat disabled by all of this. Sadly, I'm not independent. Although, I am seeking autonomy where possible with remote work, or any sort of project I can manage to force my head into.

I guess, I would like to just end this by thanking you for sharing this space with me, opening up capacity in your mind and heart for reading about my challenges. We all have our own version of it. I have been told by some my writing is interesting and I should maybe be doing more of this (and hence more of THAT - that being writing a book, or something to that effect). At any rate, peace and love. Sorry if my follow-up post was delayed enough that I had you worried.